Of course everyone wants to be able to foster a family that is sakinah, mawaddah, and warahmah, where there is harmony and happiness in the relationships that are established within the household, so that it is probable that their family will be lasting. One of the factors driving the creation of a harmonious family is the presence of a wife who always carries out her obligations as a wife, one of which is obeying her husband's orders.
The Prophet sallallaahu Alaihi Wassalam once said:
لَوْ كُنْتُ آمِرًا أَحَدًا أَنْ يَسْجُدَ لأَحَدٍ لأَمَرْتُ الْمَرْأَةَ أَنْ تَسْجُدَ لِزَوْجِهَا
It means "If I may order someone to prostrate to others, of course I would order a wife to prostrate to her husband." (Narrated by Tirmidzi)
However, many of the wives did not understand the importance of it, even whether they realized it or not they did things that disobeyed their husbands. These things include:
Disobedient to husband
The characteristics of the lawless wife's first husband is that the wife does not obey the husband's orders. A good and righteous wife is a wife who always obeys her husband under any circumstances. By obeying the husband, it will be able to foster a sense of love and affection and husband's loyalty to his wife. However, on the contrary, if the wife is not obedient to the husband, then it is likely that the feeling of affection, love, and loyalty of the husband will be lost.
Islam calls the actions of a wife who is not obedient to her husband as Nusyus, which means an attitude of defiance. That is, the wife who does Nusus is the wife who fights and violates the orders of the husband (disobeying the husband), and is not pleased with the position that Allah SWT has given him.
The Prophet sallallaahu Alaihi said:
قيل لرسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم أي النساء خير قال التي تسره إذا نظر وتطيعه إذا أمر ولا تخالفه في نفسها ومالها بما يكره
Meaning:
"Once asked the Prophet sallallaahu 'alaihi wa sallam," Who is the best woman? "He replied," That is the most pleasant when seen by her husband, obeying the husband if governed, and not sidelining the husband to himself and his property so as to make husbands hate. " (Narrated by An-Nasai and Ahmad)
In another hadith, He sallallaahu Alaihi said:
"If a woman always keeps praying five times a day, also fasts a month (in the month of Ramadan), and really keeps her genitals (from adultery) and truly obeys her husband, then it is said to women who have this noble character," Enter in heaven through whichever door you like. "(Narrated by Ahmad and Ibn Hibban)
From the two hadiths above we can know that a wife who is obedient to a husband is one of the characteristics of a good woman, and for a woman like that, then Allah SWT promises them a paradise. But in reality there are many women who do not understand the importance of obeying the husband's orders. Many reasons cause it such as social status and educational background owned by the wife is higher than the husband, and so forth.
There are so many actions that lead to disobedience of a wife to a husband, such as:
Get out of the house without permission from your husband
Words that hurt the husband
Open the husband's secrets to others
Spending husband's money excessively out of place
Betraying a husband, for example having an affair with another man
Negligent or unwilling to serve a husband, both openly and vaguely.
2. Demanding perfection in the household
Everything in this world is not perfect, including a household. Because perfection only belongs to Allah SWT. When a woman sees a film or by reading a novel that tells about the life of a household that she thinks is perfect, then she also wants to have the same thing.
And when he is married, chances are that he will be surprised and may not be able to accept the family life that he lived, where life is not the same as what he had dreamed before. Then he also demanded that the husband fulfill the needs he wanted without realizing that all things were not the same, each had their own advantages and disadvantages, including in a family.
3. To deny all forms of goodness that the husband does to him
Islam greatly glorifies a woman, even in Islam a mother has three times the right to be respected more than a father and heaven is under the sole of a mother's foot. But Rosulullah Sholallahu Alaihi Wassalam said that the majority of the inhabitants of hell were women. How can it be like that?
One of the causes of a woman being a resident of hell is because of her kufr for the blessings given by Allah SWT. In this case it is because they deny all the good that has been done by the husband to them.
For example, a husband always tries to do good to his wife, but his wife sees something that is not liked by her husband, so he also says that there is not the slightest good that he can see from her husband.
4. Do not like the husband's family
Marriage relations do not only aim to unite two men, namely men and women into legitimate relationships, but a marriage also aims to unite the two families. Love, affection, and respect for a husband will increase if his wife is able to put herself well in the husband's family.
However, sometimes a wife demands that her husband's attention and affection be addressed only to him, without realizing that the husband also has an obligation to serve his parents. This often leads to jealousy of the wife of the husband's family and attempts to keep the husband away from his family.
5. The loss of Qona'ah's sense and wife's approval of what was given by her husband
Sometimes, even though the husband has tried his best to be able to fulfill the wishes of his wife, but when that desire does not materialize, precisely what he did was deemed futile by his wife. Why? Because the wife assumes that the efforts made by the husband are lacking, even just considered playing games. He is unable to understand that everyone, including her husband, has limited ability to do something.
6. Leverage the good that is done
It is undeniable that everyone, including a wife, has done good, even though it is only a date palm. However, it will be a form of iniquity if a wife brings up the good that she has done to her husband or family, even assuming that the goodness done by her husband is not greater than the good he does. This certainly will hurt the feelings of the husband.
7. Excessive jealousy
The next characteristic of the lawless wife's husband lies in jealousy, which many wives don't realize. One of human nature, especially women, is jealousy. Jealousy is okay, as long as you have the basis and are still within the reasonable limits. A wife's jealousy towards her husband according to Islamic Shari'a is if the husband commit immorality such as adultery, tyrannizing his wife, reducing the rights of his wife, and so on.
Jealousy of a wife will be a form of iniquity towards the husband if jealousy does not have a basis in the form of facts or evidence and jealousy that is too excessive (jealous blind).
8. Lack or can not keep the husband's feelings
A good wife must always try to please her husband, such as showing a friendly face, not wry, and cool when the husband looks at him.
In addition, the wife must always take care of her actions and sayings so as not to hurt her husband, for example not berating, criticizing, saying loudly, and often cornering her husband. This will make the husband feel hurt.
9. Too busy with activities outside the home
There is nothing wrong if a wife has an activity outside the home, but every time she does the activity, the wife must get permission from her husband and must not ignore her duties and responsibilities at home.
10. Less or unable to maintain appearance
A wife must be able to maintain her appearance in front of her husband, not only when she is traveling outside the home. If a wife looks dirty, shabby, and smells when in front of her husband, then don't be surprised if over time the husband will not feel at home. But it is also a bad thing if a wife is too busy dressing up so she forgets her obligations as a wife.
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